Today marks the end of an
online Bible study I’ve been
participating in covering the book of Hosea. So today, a lot of the
participants are sharing their truths- what they learned over the last 17 days
of study—and I thought I would join in on the fun.
If you’re unfamiliar with the story of Hosea, it’s this in a
nutshell: God asks Hosea to marry Gomer. Gomer is a prostitute. It’s hard. She’s
unfaithful. She runs away from Hosea. But God uses this as a metaphor for
Himself and Israel. The Israelites have run away from God. They deserve
punishment and wrath, just like Gomer deserves consequences, but God shows
mercy. He beckons Israel to return, and He loves them all the same. It goes
deeper and there’s a whole lot more. It’s worth a read.
Anyway, there were three big ideas that this study brought to
the surface for me. This is long. Please hang in there.
I 1. I am Israel. I run away from God a lot. What do
I mean by this? I mean that even though I know God shows up and provides and
works slow miracles in my life, there are times where I run from Him and seek
attention, approval, comfort, etc. in other things. I’m a recovering
approval-addict. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t want to be
liked. And sometimes I did some things totally out of character for me to win
the approval of others. And sometimes it didn’t really matter. God approves of
me just as I am. Period. I don’t need to run from Him to get approval. His
approval should be enough. The other thing about running is that sometimes when
I’ve run away from God, I’ve made some mistakes. For example, early in my
career, as I strove to win approval from coworkers and friends, I did some
damage on a couple of credit cards. I thought I needed to wear certain things,
eat at certain restaurants, belong to a certain gym, go to certain happy hours,
see certain movies, etc. in order to be well-liked. But my budget didn’t allow
for it. Eventually, when I realized what a mess I was making, God was there for
me. He is always there in the return. The thing I never considered until now
though? God is with us as we live out the consequences of our actions. Running
towards material things and racking up debt in order to win approval had its
consequence- I needed to pay off the debt. Returning to God and saying I’m
sorry for not letting His approval be enough was a start. And while He is God
and could’ve easily put a bonus check or a winning lottery ticket in my hand to
pay off the debt instantly, He didn’t But He was with me as I cleaned up the
mess. As I canceled memberships, turned down invitations, made and stuck with a
strict budget—He was there through all of it, restoring me. So yes, I’ve run
from God before. Many times. But I’ve returned. And now I’ve learned that just
because I come back, I don’t get a free pass on consequences, but I do get God,
who gets in the mess with me while I clean it up.
2. Hard things. I
wrote about this a couple ofweeks ago. God asks us to sometimes do hard, but right things. Lately I’ve been
feeling the pull to do the hard thing of loving people that are hard to love.
And I said I needed to start with my daughter, because she’s not me and
sometimes she is frustrating to love (I’ve never not loved her, just to be
clear—I’ve just not loved her as well I could have because I’ve been hard on
her and expected her to be exactly like me). Last weekend my husband went out
of town to visit his dad and took our son with him. It gave me the chance to
love my sweet C exactly how she needed to be loved. It was refreshing and
needed for both (though pretending to be My Little Pony unicorns at 7:30am is
HARD). God revealed so much about her amazing spirit and personality to me—things
I hadn’t really “seen” because of my expectations and frustrations with her.
She may have a strong personality, but the girl embodies the whole “dance like
no one is watching, sing like no one is listening” cliché. Here's a snapshot of our weekend:
3. Idols. There are things in my life I tend to
idolize and that’s not okay. Idols are anything that we put before God—things we
worship instead of Him. During this study God brought it to my attention that I
idolize rest. I’m not saying rest is a bad thing. It’s not (
I wrote about how sometimes we need it badly here). My idolizing rest was
a bad thing. I would obsess over making sure I was getting enough rest. If I
felt I didn’t get enough, I let it color my day (“I only got x hours of sleep
last night so today is going to stink.”). On days when I didn’t think my rest
had been sufficient, I found myself being more negative, living with a short
fuse, losing my patience more easily. I’m learning to trust God with the rest
He gives me and not obsess over it the way I have for so much of my adult life.
I’m praying He redeems the rest I do get. And you know what? He’s been faithful
so far. The night I only got about four hours of sleep? Normally that would
send me over the edge and into freak out mode, snapping at people and having “woe
is me” break down moments. But instead, I went to work the next day, kicked
butt with my lesson plan, was patient with my students and my own children, and
ended up being rewarded with some pretty solid sleep the next night (which is
nice at 32 weeks pregnant). Again, rest is needed and it’s not a bad thing. It
was my obsessing over it the way some might obsess over working out or eating
healthy (both good things) that was turning it into an idol.
If you’re still reading, thanks! Go check out Hosea. And
remember, it’s never too late to return from your running, to do hard, but
right things, and to smash your idols.
Blessings,
One Ordinary Mom :-)