It's Been a Year?!?

Is anybody out there?

It's been almost a year since my last post. And that's okay. We were busy with kindergarten, and One Ordinary Dad's new job (and then another new job, and then another new job-- we think this one will work for a long while and is a good fit for our family), B starting preschool somewhere, keeping house, having fun, and dreaming big.

Which brings us to today. I started blogging at a time when pretty much none of my family members had joined Facebook. Blogging was a way to show off pictures of my kiddos without sending annoying picture-heavy emails each day. They're all on Facebook now, and let's be real, I just lost steam.

But I'm back. We'll see how long I manage to stick around this time. Our 2014 resolution was inspired by Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years-- we're going to live a better story Okay, we kind of started this before 2014, but we're continuing to live it out (more here). It doesn't mean we're spending oodles of money (though we did visit the mouse a few months ago).

It means saying yes to the things we want for our family-- for the story we're living and creating each moment. And it means saying no to things we know don't benefit our family or have a part in our story (yet-- not all things we say no to are bad).

And it's working. 2014 has been really really good to us. Our biggest yes of all?

Well, we decided to say yes to another baby. We've been waffling on this one for about a year. And then back in the winter it became clear to both One Ordinary Dad and I-- our family just wasn't complete. Miss E will complete our family when she arrives this fall.

So for now I'm getting ready to start my eleventh year teaching, Miss C will be in first grade, B is going back to preschool, One Ordinary Dad is working from home, and we're soaking up the summer sun (and dancing in the summer rains) as much as we can as we live our story.

This summer has also been a reinvention of sorts for me. Maybe that's why I logged back on and wrote this post. More on that later, but let's just say I'm finally, at the age of 32, figuring out who I am and who I want to be, and feel incredibly comfortable in my skin.

Blessings to you all, whoever is still reading,
One Ordinary Mom

Drastic Measures

We had a great routine before we headed out for vacation. The kids would wake up each morning and play, sometimes watching a little PBS Kids. By 10 am or so, we were usually out the door for a walk, a trip to the library, a visit one of several nearby playgrounds, the pool, the zoo, a playdate, etc. We'd either pack a lunch or be home in time for lunch. Naps came after lunch, with Miss C sometimes opting to take one as well. Once B was up, we stuck close to home, taking another walk or playing in the basement or outside until One Ordinary Dad got home from work. It was peaceful. It worked.

And then it broke. The first week after our beach vacation, we still kind of stuck to the routine. Gradually, though, C began to unravel. We noticed it in the little things at first-- talking back to us, telling us "no," grabbing toys from her brother and then lying about it. Actions that resulted in losing trips to the park and the pool and playdates. But those little things snowballed into bigger things, and after she ran ahead of One Ordinary Dad at the mall, despite his telling her to stay close, we decided it was time to do something drastic.

You see, we want to raise grateful, polite, loving kids. Most of the time, those are the adjectives I'd use to describe C and B. But not lately. And especially not C. And while some would tell me that her behavior is typical for a five-year-old and it's just her response to being out of her routine, it's behavior that is unacceptable in our family.

So we took away ALL of her toys. We had some empty Rubbermaid containers in the basement and she helped us pack up everything-- all of her Playmobil, Legos, dollhouse stuff, dress-ups, stuffed animals, EVERYTHING that she claimed as hers. We left out books, art supplies, puzzles, and games (and B's toys).

We had a discussion with her about choosing love and gratitude. We talked about how Mommy and Daddy always make sure she has good food to eat, and nice clothes to wear, and a warm house to live in, and that all of the toys and "stuff" she has are just bonus items because we love her. We talked about the importance of being her "brother's keeper" and putting him first (which is hard to to do for a five-year-old). Now that the only "toys" she can play with are B's, we talked about playing on his terms and going along with him. We talked about there being no such thing as saying "thank you" and "I love you" too much. We told C that as we "catch" her choosing love and gratitude, she will slowly start to earn her toys back. To be honest though, I'm thinking about selling some of them-- the ones she rarely plays with and just take up space.

It was hard at first, but we're starting to see a shift. B is 2.5 and so he's just starting to learn how to pretend play and follow a storyline with another kid. C is teaching him that as she plays with him. She's creating some different rules to some of her games so that B can play too and the game goes quickly and keeps his attention. I think this morning I've seen them playing together better and for a longer duration of time than I have in awhile.

It's not just about shifting C's attitude. It's about shifting attitudes for all of us. Over the last few weeks, we've cleaned out our basement and our closets. Kids hand-me down clothes have been sorted and distributed to friends and family (we keep the cycle going since we get so many from friends). Other clothes (like half of my wardrobe) were donated (our rule-- if you haven't worn it in the last year, it's gone). And One Ordinary Dad and I made a pact-- we're just going to save for the good stuff. Instead of buying a larger quantity of cheaper clothes and shoes (when we need them), we're going to save and invest in a smaller quantity that are better made and will last longer-- so they don't end up in the Goodwill pile, or worse, in the landfill, within a year or two. We're rethinking holidays and birthdays (not that we've been over-indulgent by any means, but when we buy toys, they need to be toys that will be played with and that will last-- like the kids' Legos and Playmobil-- instead of a ton of cheap stuff that inevitably breaks). Books, puzzles, and games that we can all enjoy will take a slightly higher priority too.

Living in a small house helps. We don't have a lot of storage room, which means we can't hold onto things. When toys are no longer played with, when books are no longer read or loaned out repeatedly and there's no more room on the shelf, when clothes are no longer worn, we find new homes for them instead of hanging onto them. We make room for the new stuff. I'm letting go of the sentimentality of some things ("oh, that was C's first Little People set" or "that was the dress I wore when I got hired" or "we can't possibly get rid of ALL 70 some pieces of artwork from C's preschool years"). There's a saying that says "take a picture, it'll last longer." I have plenty of pictures of my kids in the cute outfits that were my favorites, playing with toys that were "firsts," and One Ordinary Dad took the time recently to photograph ALL of Cate's preschool artwork so I can put it into a Shutterfly book (I kept one picture with her handprints that she made me for Mother's Day, the rest was recycled).

We're trying hard to be a family that recognizes that we are beyond blessed and we're trying hard to cultivate that recognition and gratitude in our kids. We truly have more than we need, and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as we don't feel entitled to more or find security in our "stuff." It's why we start out before-bed prayers each night listing the parts of our day and our lives for which we are most thankful.

And in other news, we spent a lovely weekend at a free Cincinnati Symphony and Cincinnati Pops concert in the park (the second half of the show, they had a digital light show projected on Music Hall), One Ordinary Dad celebrated a birthday, and B went to his first Reds game.

 I'll let you know how our "drastic measures" and fight against excess works out and how effective it is in helping change C's attitude (really, all of our attitudes). It's part of living our better story.

~One Ordinary Mom

No More Crib

We took the crib down a little over a week ago. We bought the kids matching beds and bedding. And aside from still being in diapers, using a pacifier when he sleeps, and needing a little help eating his Rice Krispies in the morning (because they make a BIG mess if he doesn't have help), B is turning into quite the little boy.

 The whole "no more crib" thing has left me rather reflective over the last week. The transition was a smooth one. We started out lying down with B until he fell asleep. Gradually, we've backed off to the point where we only lie with him for a few minutes before leaving the room. He's stayed in bed all night, every night. Such a good boy!

 But "no more crib" means no more babies in my house. Of course, I tell C and B all the time that they are my babies, but most mommas know what I mean when I say "no more babies." No more milky breath and tiny cries and little one piece rompers and rattles and whirs of the breast pump and glass jars of baby food. But it's also no more getting up four times a night and the constant sour milk smell on clothing from spit up and lugging a diaper bag every where and doing laundry all the time and checking the floor for the older kids' toys that might be choking hazards.

Are we done? I don't know. We're selling the crib and many of our other baby items. Some that are out on loan will probably be sold once our family and friends are finished with them. Things that can't be sold are being donated. We're keeping around our papasan seat, high chair, a smattering of baby toys, and pack n' play for family and friends to use when they come to visit. It's more a space issue than a finite decision. We lack the storage to keep all of this "just in case."

I had baby fever bad back in the winter and spring. We thought it was what we wanted. But then One Ordinary Dad went back to work and summer just got easy. I recognize that every parenting stage shares its own challenges, and we've had our share-- example: C and B play well together, but the age/maturity gap does rear its ugly head once or twice a day as they get frustrated with each other; it's a gap that will close with each passing year, thankfully). It's been nice to have two kids who sleep 10-12 hours uninterrupted at night. It's been nice to sit and leaf through a magazine while they play. It's been nice to spend time coloring with them both or putting together a puzzle or taking a walk where a stroller just isn't necessary.

The baby fever has dissipated in the last few weeks, and as I've been reflecting, the whole "be fruitful and multiply" idea has been a struggle. Of course the world would love more of our curly blonde haired, piercing blue eyed, tall, lean children. But as I've prayed and spent some time reading my Bible, I've also felt a sense of reassurance. Being fruitful and multiplying doesn't mean I have to have a half a dozen children to populate, what is, quite honestly, a heavily populated earth. Being fruitful and multiplying means I can teach my children to be Jesus to other people and to multiply His kingdom in others.

And I pass no judgement on those with 3, 4, 5, or more kids. I love our friends with big families. I was one of 3 kids. And if we end up with a third kid, it'll be okay.

But right now? Right now I'm pretty good with two. I've often heard moms describe their desire for more children as feeling like someone was missing from their families. I don't feel that way right now. Right now I feel like we are complete. But right now I also feel like our hearts are open, and so we're not quite at the stage where we feel like any sort of permanent solution is necessary. And that's a pretty good place to be with "no more crib" in our house.

~One Ordinary Mom

A Better Story

 Not too long ago, I read Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I knew the basic premise of the book and have had several friends read it and loved it. I knew I'd probably love it too, but I also knew that I'd probably find it a little convicting. And maybe that's why I put off reading it.

For those of you who haven't read it yet, the general idea is that as humans, we are created to live in a story. Our lives are stories-- with exciting parts that would look amazing on the big screen with a swelling soundtrack along with moments that are so mundane they'd never make the Hollywood cut.

Some people are living amazing stories, but most are just living mediocre ones. Spoiler alert: you can change your story. The ending isn't finalized (well, other than that whole we can't live forever, so yes, everyone's story eventually ends in death-- not to be morbid though).

We've been living a pretty good story lately. One Ordinary Dad and I spent some time in California sans kids.

 Later, we headed to Myrtle Beach.

 But there's more. There were times when I got a little ticked off reading the book because I thought, "well, sure, if I had written a New York Times Bestseller and had a ton of money in the bank and lots of time off, I could certainly make sure I was living a better story." But it's not necessarily about money or time (though those are nice things to have). It's about the little changes. It's about the legacy I want to leave. It's about setting the stage for the stories my kids will live once their father and I are gone.

And so while yearly vacations, monthly date nights, and other events that take a little more money or time will remain on our calendar and as parts of our story, there are small things happening too:

• we say "I love you" a lot more and raise our voices a lot less (hard to do with little ones, but worth the effort)
• we turn off the TV (and Candy Crush-- I was addicted for a bit) and get lost in books and magazines
• we play with Legos and we play lots of games and we put together lots of puzzles (One Ordinary Dad and I occasionally stay up late on a weekend with some wine and a 1000-piecer)
• we have more impromptu dance parties
• we say "yes" to going to the park or going for a walk/hike or going to get ice cream-- even when it's not quite what we want to do
• we choose to be generous without judging-- whether it's a dollar to the pan handler at the highway exit or volunteering our time to help others or teaching our kids how to sort out toys they don't play with anymore so that they can give them away
• we don't count things-- hours of sleep, calories, number of times we've read the same book over and over again, who did the dishes last, who cleaned the toilet last, who made all of the beds last, number of loads of laundry, pounds on a scale, etc. 
• we do count blessings though-- every night we name them with the kids before bed

We've basically chosen to embrace our one wild and precious life. All stories have conflicts too, and we embrace those too (everyone loves a story where the good triumphs over the evil conflict).

We want to live a good story. I know it sounds cheesy, but we want to honor God by getting the most out of the earthly time He's given us and by leaning into Him in both the good and the bad.

Changing directions in our story's "draft" if you will, has been a blessing for our little family. We're so thankful that God gives us the grace to change our story, to live a better one.

~One Ordinary Mom